The tale of two Godchildren and the Godfather absentisa (well sometimes)

4th of July came and went. It sucked, humid and close to a hundred degrees. also had a cold which still won't go away. i think my body is confused because of the hot weather. I do recall the sixth being better as I got "soft", according to the edler of the group i went with to Melanism's birthday BBQ.

I do admit to being giddy after, a alize & orange juice, apple martini, and some concotion i can't remember. That same day my other Grandma came in from Miami to see her family in NY before she relocates back to Haiti. She is staying with us of course, which means two grandmothers in one house. More reason to set out on my own ASAP.

My parents claim i have been cold with Grandmere since she got here; cold to my older Goddaughter who just graduated from Junior High; cold in general. It's times like this i wish i was on my own so that my bouts of seclusion would not be observed with such misintrepretation and intrusion.


Shyla's background singer en focus

My issue with of my older Goddaughter versus my younger (2 year-old) have to do with closeness and the age and maturity i became this surrogate parent. Dammit i'm a deadbeat Godfather with the older.

At the naive age of 14, i was given the privelige of becoming a godfather to this precious baby girl, whose father would soon pass away. Young Richard was all giddy of course. But as the years passed Richard was busy growing up while older gd. was growing into adolescence. I don't know if this is any real good esxcuse. But i just have never felt comfortable around older when she started 'gettin' grown" because i was busy tryign to find myself and in effect not being around her as i should have been. So on the dawn of a new stage in her life, i Richard Louissaint am still a deadbeat dad.

As for the younger, Azure, there is a chance for redemption for this articulate bratty biracial girl. I feel more of kinship. Maybe it's because she is blood, my 1st cousin's first child, who has already dealt with her parents' breakup and her mother trying to gte her shit together.

I'm not sure how thigngs will pan out. At 25 going on 26, i still feel like a baby trying to get up off the floor after crawling. Ready to take my first step. A real job in something i care about and /or grad school might be it.