Writing a Novel...

What torture to get one chapter done for my writing workshop

Sound the freakin trumpets...yea that's all...

Mrs. Union

I'd like to congratulate Datwon Thomas for the dropping second issue of King Magazine. A surprise party was held last Friday for the launching of this Gabrielle Union-laced issue. Mr. Thomas has come a long way from being an intern with me, to asst. Editor of XXL (pre-“Yellow N**ga” era), to Editor-in-Chief of this new venture, and a father and husband.



Not the new issue, but the first.

I am not just putting this out there because I wrote something in the premiere issue, and not necessarily because I love the magazine. I appreciate King for what it is, but being the enigma that I am, I am not really interested in cars, women, etc. in the same way King’s audience seems to be. Yet all in all, King is well written ,and I hope it a positive run.

Happiness and Ideals Continued...



i have asked myself another question... If i am not happy nor sad — then what does that make me?
Will one of my blogmates answer that or anyone just comment?

Anyway, i can say despite my cynicism and exposure to the "real world," my ideals seem to be still intact somewhat, except for when it comes to my love/dating life. But that's another story — one i invest too much emotional energy on at times.

Happiness to some is:
their spirituality
career
money
knowing who they are and what their purpose/purpose's are
and so on...

My happiness, well it has always come in spurts. I think i am a ponderer (sic), something that comes with being a writer, i guess. i do get sad and melancholy, especially in times of disappointment. To some, during those times, i sound very sad and hopeless. Yet, they also know i am a very positive person. That may be why the friend mentioned that i had happy ideals, or maybe it is my propensity to help people.

As it goes, I have so much to learn about life, about myself, and about making sure I think of my mental and emotional sanity. If I don’t love myself, I can’t really love the others in my life.

Disappointment comes... Rich will keep it moving.

Happiness and Ideals



Yesterday, a friend (that is such strong word, i think i will change it later on) of mine told i'm not a happy person, but a person with happy ideals. When i read that, i said "that is an interesting way to put it." But they refused to expound on it. What a bloody punk.

Little Tortilla has arrived with my new found persona.....currently moonlighting as a Puerto Rican.

I will get back to my fears sooner or later

But first Wired news had an interesting article on weblogs

and my lyric of the week since i was listening to this album today. I consider Buju at crossroads when he left his secular life behind, embrace Rasta, and managed to put out one of his greatest works Til Shiloh.

BUJU BANTON
"Wanna Be Loved"

Chorus
Wanna be loved
Not for who you think I am
Nor what you want me to be could you love me for me?
Real love, with no strings attached
I wanna give you me heart
Don't want to take it back
This is my chat - cho

Been searching for a long long time
For that oh so true love
To comfort this heart of mine
No pretense stop wasting my time
A virtous woman is really hard to find
I'm telling you lady

I'm only human, not looking for impossibility
Just a genuine woman with sincerity
Someone who is always near to hold me
Show me you care, up front and boldly
Don't shun my feelings, all the positive meanings
Love me morning, noon and seasons

Chorus

Well every hoe have it's stick in a bush
What happen to me... she must be somewhere out there
Now where could she be?
Caught up passionately in a love rhapsody
I'm like waiting on some honey
But there ain't no queen bee

Everybody's laughing
Some say I'm silly
No infatuation, no love fantasy

Woman you lead my life on a string
I can't take the on and off thing
I'm oh so lonely inside so I sing

Chorus

I would spend my nights at home
But if it means contention
I'd rather be alone
Tell the service man cut the phones
Lock all communication
If there's not light within my day
I'd rather stay in isolation
For that special someone a lifetime
I'll wait I know that I'll be okay
Cross my heart, every day I live I pray
And I know she'll come my way
Night and day for this woman I pray


(Source: Jamaica Time by Diego DJ - http://www.diegodj.com)

Fear...

my fears (in no particular order)

In Today's Update...
— My First Photo Shoot
— Words of Wisdom from an Elder Peer
— Why does Richard's stomach and appetite feel so off?

My First Photo Shoot

Well it would be last Wednesday that Mr. Baptiste would ask me if i would like to come a photo shoot he was doing on Saturday. Of course i jumped at the chance, and didn't even bother to ask what he was shooting.

So, yesterday after a late night at a friend's bday joint at the Ludlow Bar the night before, i woke up early (8 am on a Saturday man) and headed out to midtown Manhattan. As i got off the train and walked through the Madison Square Garden area, it smelled like a thousands of people had done number two on the street. Thankfully, that lasted for only one long block.

At the studio, which is deep on the West side, i met one of Baptiste's assistants, who seemed pretty much in my age group — he told me he has been doing this for like three years. The studio was extremely large, with several different areas:




Anyway, Marc was a little late, but his asst. introduced me to the other photo asst and some of the people involved in the shooot &mdash sadly i can't remember the name of anyone i met. The shoot was a regular fashion shoot, which i think began the day before, and typical went on from 10 am to 6 pm, give or take a hour.

After taking in the catered breakfast and a fridge filled with lots of beverage choices, i waited with the others — stylists, makeup artists, etc. — for the model and Baptiste to arrive.

When all was good and ready this is how things went:

Baptiste uses three camera bodies, and one 165 mm lense. His assts. would refill each camera with a roll of 120 film to keep things moving. One camera was relegated for the Polaroids he would take to see how the pictures would look. records were kept and each film was numbered by the shot he was doing. So he would take about 4-5 rolls for each outfit change or variation the model made. Baptiste also had CDs playing to help with the mood. It went from Jill Scott, R. Kelly, Sade, and so on.

The lights that were in synch with the camera had to always be checked to see if they were popping, since they all served as a super flash.

At around 2pm, a lunch break was taken as everyone took in some catered Jamaican food. At this point, it was my cue to leave, and i bid everyone adieu, and promptly remembered the name of the makeup dude — only because it was Dickie.

Words of Wisdom from an Elder Peer

At the end of my last writing workshop session, i was discussing some things (relationships to be exact) with a woman in her early 30's. She basically put it like this: relationships come and go, but friendships tend to last much longer. i mean i mean i have heard this time and time again, but i guess i needed to hear it again, especially from someone who has no real knowledge of my personal life. She also opinioned (sic) that at my age it's really not conducive to really get into a "relationship," only because it's really hard to have one when u are still trying to figure out yourself and what u want to do. And i guess i concur with it because so many of my friends, peers, and i are going through our mid-twenties crisises. And i have been in enough situations where the person was not sure of things, and so i ended up with the short end of the stick and vice versa.

So i have to wonder though if could really be in a relationship or like the idea of being "everyone's" friend. Cause i really would like to be with whomever i connect with, which is quite rare, but want it to be in a way where both of us are 100% about our feelings. But the person who might read this knows this may be aimed at them. I don't who or how many people i will end up being with — but i hope u are one of them — if not, c’est la vie, i guess.

Why does Richard's stomach and appetite feel so off?

After all my mulling and sulking these past few weeks, i am still doing it but with less frequency. However, my appetite has been really off. Some days i won't eat dinner, or if i do, i won't eat all of it, cause my stomach feels funny. This has also gone down during breakfast. I don't know what it is, but i know it's not physical. But at the same time i think i know what it is. Confused — well i know i am.

Hit and Run Part II!

The dude did it again and in the same area yesterday

Read on

Song Lyric Of The Week

Despite the fact that whoever produced this track decided to use the sample the same way Q-tip used it for Mobb Deep ("Give Up the Goods"). However, Faithfully is a good album with a whole lot of unnessary and overused samples, but check it out for "I Love You," "Faithful Interlude," "Do Your Time," "Where We Stand", and "Love Can't Hide"-- the later she rips jazz singer style.


See any similarities?

Faith Evans - "Heaven Only Knows"

Who knows what tomorrow brings
And heaven only knows what's on the other side of the rainbow
All I know is what the seasons bring
And even with the seasons come uncertainty

Chorus
Who knows
Do you know
I don't know
Heaven only knows what the future holds
Heaven only knows what's over the rainbow
Just imagine all the possibilities
Heaven only knows what the future holds

Verse 2:
God gave me a conscious heart
And my responsibility is to teach my people
Tryin to make them understand
Your will, your perfect plan

Chorus x2
If we come together we can change it
Take it one day at a time
Live your life and you'll be find

Bridge:
We can't live for tomorrow
So make the best out of today
We gotta keep the faith
If we just keep that faith through the night
We'll be alright

Chorus x3
If we come together we can change it
Take it one day at a time
Live your life and you'll be find
Can you imagine all the possibilities

Hit and Run 19 people in one swoop...

Sheesh and this happend right around where i work on 34th street
and this may be over a woman that the suspect allegedly tried to murder. People seriously need to learn to love themselves first.

From NY Newsday (their numbers are off in this report — 19 people, not 7)

More updated news

*Double sigh*

Perfect bloody Valentine email greeting to send to anyone here

Thanks Delaney, this almost cheered me up!

Sometimes i wish i had that gray pen-like thingy from Men In Black, so i could wipe out specific memories from me head. Now wouldn't that be cool?
-- neuralized (as in one having their memories changed) as they call it

Unfortunately, that's fiction so we all must suffer with remembering the past and trying not to dawn on it.

Sour Tuesday

Definitions of Melancholy (Courtesy of Dictionary.com)
interesting...

mel·an·chol·y Pronunciation Key (mln-kl)
n.
Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: “There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass” (Charles Kuralt).
Pensive reflection or contemplation.
Archaic.
Black bile.
An emotional state characterized by sullenness and outbreaks of violent anger, believed to arise from black bile.

adj.
Affected with or marked by depression of the spirits; sad. See Synonyms at sad.
Tending to promote sadness or gloom: a letter with some melancholy news.
Pensive; thoughtful.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Middle English melancolie, from Old French, from Late Latin melancholia, from Greek melankholi : mels, melan-, black + khol, bile; see ghel-2 in Indo-European Roots.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


melancholy

\Mel"an*chol*y\, a. 1. Depressed in spirits; dejected; gloomy dismal. --Shak.

2. Producing great evil and grief; causing dejection; calamitous; afflictive; as, a melancholy event.

3. Somewhat deranged in mind; having the jugment impaired. [Obs.] --Bp. Reynolds.

4. Favorable to meditation; somber.

A pretty, melancholy seat, well wooded and watered. --Evelin.

Syn: Gloomy; sad; dispirited; low-spirited; downhearted; unhappy; hypochondriac; disconsolate; heavy, doleful; dismal; calamitous; afflictive.
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

melancholy

adj : characterized by or causing or expressing sadness; "growing more melancholy every hour"; "her melancholic smile"; "we acquainted him with the melancholy truth" [syn: melancholic] n 1: a feeling of thoughtful sadness 2: a constitutional tendency to be gloomy and depressed 3: a humor that was once believed to be secreted by the kidneys or spleen and to cause sadness and melancholy [syn: black bile]
Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University
------------------------------------

This day just needs to pass. i hate being at this job in a melancholy mood-- the tediousness of it just really makes me wanna *stab* someone.

Someone seems bitter...and it isn't this mofoe---->*points @ self*

HHIC's NEWS UPDATE

Well since the U.S. still wants to give Haiti "tough love", and another Haitian was shot by NYPD (without much press i might add), why don't yall check out the NCHR website

YO!

That's it. I'm fed up. No more of this mulling shit.
Put up your hands, dun.

*slice*

Same ish Different Day...

isn't that how the saying goes?

but i have discovered this morning that an okay place to take a nap in this office is the bathroom stall. i just lay one of them toilet protective sheets on the seat (to avoid anything unsightly getting on my slacks) and just lay my head down on my conviently long legs.

it's not the greatest and most comfy place to to go beddy bye-- but hey

Stephen Simmonds- Alone

(Verse 1)
My fate has been sealed, my fate has been shown
It's left me no shield, it's left me alone...
The lonely one's weak, but doesn't lay down
The lonely one speaks when no one's around...
It's cold when you're outside and warm when you're in
I've followed my instincts, so life is my sin...
Love is my witness, love is my truth
Lord is the judge for me and for you...

(Chorus)
Alone...
It's so hard to live
Alone...
I know I can't be positive
Alone...
I got no place to call
My home...
And I got no friends to call, oh, no...

(Verse 2)
The day turns to night, the night turns to day
I can't tell the white or black from the grey

Maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should
Maybe I couldn't and maybe I could...

Lend me some time so I can explain
Show me a sign and release my pain...

If you approve, then it will be
I won't leave you if you won't leave me...

(Chorus) x 2

(Bridge)
Uhmmm...

(Chorus/Variarion)
If you can't, then no one can save me
I'm tired of waiting now, baby
You gotta let me know, gotta let me know, you gotta let me know
If you can't, then no one can save me
I'm tired of waiting now, baby
You gotta let me know, gotta let me know, you gotta let me know
If you can't, then no one can save me
You gotta let me know now, baby
You gotta let me know, gotta let me know, you gotta let me know
Ooh...baby, my love is for real
Oh, yes, girl, it's gonna make me feel...
Ooh...baby, my love is for real
Oh, yes, girl, it's gonna make me feel...
Ooh...baby, my love is for...

Mental Note

i will not have anymore personal conversations on any instant messengers or through emails. anybody that wanna discuss something personal with me better inquiry in some other matter. a lot of negative things have come out of it in the past two years-- arguments, well-detailed personal stabs at me, being dropped, insults-- all things that rarely happen to me in the physcal plane.
*sigh*

and i am taking another haitus to keep my emotional sanity.
So therefore:

-- if i am online i may or may not be on a messenger. if u catch me i will not discusss anything personal.
-- no telling me about somethign personal u put on a message board. just tell me. if u are a friend i won't take reading something important in your life as u telling me. it has to come from u.
-- business, articles, is okay for email,
-- anyone close to me i would rather speak to on the phone or whatever unless...
-- last i want a pen pal to write to-- but i will figure that out soon enough.

Peace ya'll

EYES WIDE SHUT
I am not the puppet.
I am Doll Parts™.

My Song Lyric Of the Week

BEN HARPER LYRICS

Walk Away
(Ben Harper)

Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one

But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We've tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery

They say time will
Make all this go away
But it's time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is droppin' on down
And once again you my friend
Are nowhere to be found
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away
Walk away

Head Haitian in Charge just hit u up

HHIC

i shall be the Head Haitian in Charge for the next two weeks on my fellow bloggers blogs

stay tuned for more info...

The Fiction Writing Blues

Although i took a short story writing workshop last fall, i have yet to finish any of the stories a worked on.

blah

Now, i have taken it upon myself to start a novel for a speculative fiction writing workshop and basically have three chapters done by the end of the eight sessions. We just did session three last night, and after hearing the critique of my still unfinished character profiles, synopsis, and plot summary. Suposedly, these things are supposed to help me, but i am feeling overwhelmed cause the story is becoming bigger than i expected (which is what was in my mind already) and i have to consider what point the story is making and have tighten what binds the characters. My mates did have a lot of positives but also pointed out the holes that need to be filled in. Oh man i wonder how my first chapter will be recieved when i submit it — hopefully next week.

wanna kill some time and learn some more about some black speculative fiction writers? check this out. Or even better check out my mentor's great intro to black speculative fiction (Amazon really hooked up the page for this book, 32 sample pages, amazing)


Octavia Butler's latest

Oh. I mean....if you really want to know what's going on...yeah...that's what I thought.

Ho-hum...turn that frown upside...fuk it...

Babbling Continued

*inhale*

to be loved who knows that?
loved by someone other than your blood or your friends
i may destined to not know that feeling for quite sometime
to be able to love/like someone and have it returned with no catches, no "buts," no "Your perfect, your great and i like you, but i don't know what i want," "buts"
a repetitive event in my life not confined to one person.


and Sia

The Soundtrack of my life right now...

masks are good-- they protect u. u don't chase a woman or show interest they just seem to like u even more. but be the opposite and u get less and less reponse from a woman. i retreat from "the game" for another long haitus. it's just not worth it for me at 1:55 pm Est., Tuesday afternoon, February 5, 2002. drama is not for me. the next person who sparks my attention is in for a long haul with me. no being sappy, no revealing of self for a longtime. so if i lose out cause of that approach then hey that's life, it nothing great come out of liking someone except for one broken heart, being cursed out, being played three times, losing control, a great first few months then the nose dive, lots of emoionally energy spent

*exhale*

photography and writing are such an investment. So much of your emotions and thoughts go into them.

it's been a while since i have gotten liquored up — now would be the perfect time.

Today's randum observations (before i venture out again with my Goddaugther and her moms:

-- Ice cream trucks in the dead of Winter
-- i truly am a nerdboy for passing by a street book vendor who was sellign every "black" for 7 dollars and standing there in the cold, waiting to see what he was stacking on the table. Needless to say i did buy something.
-- Dang Dasean moved to Conneticut, so I won't see shorty at the afterschool program no more. I hope my picture of him came out.
-- Matters of the heart are never simple