Letting Go - Nitin Sawhney

Now I often talk of my heart
How can I turn to the dark
And the swaying silence
I see, is nothing I can hold on to
You can’t breathe if I hold you tight
You can not breathe if I hold you tight

Don’t be afraid of letting go
Don’t be afraid of letting go

Not of anything out of anyone
All alone here with my demons
Am I ready to move on?
To a person or place
A long away from here
And I miss you
And I lose you
And I find you
I choose to follow my heart

Don’t be afraid of letting go
Don’t be afraid of letting go

Not of anything out of anyone
Out of anything out of anyone

Don’t be afraid of letting go X6

New NYPD in the family

My cousin became part of the blue today in a very patrotic ceremony at Madison Square Garden. He is the second in my family to become one, as his older sister was the first.


The Program


The Invite

I do have mixed feelings about him joining as i did when his siter joined a few years back. I am glad someone who respects people liek my cousin is in their ranks but at teh same time will he be able to navigate the machine as a Haitian minority. Considering the Haitians who have been screwed over by the department.

Just take a look here.

But still i am proud he found some direction after being in post college/BA purgatory for a while. Hopefully, he will turn this experience into something bigger.

History was made last night but do i care...
Two interesting pics (both courtesy of Yahoo)from last night's 74th annual Academy Awards


First Picture
Halle is the first black actress in the 74-year history of the awards to ever win for best actress (Monster's Ball). And this was Denzel's first win for best actor (Training Day) after being snubbed several times before. He won one before for Best Supporting Actor in the Civil War epic Glory.

Second Picture
But it's this picture and Miss Roberts just overly happy embraces of Mr. Washington that got the rumor mill rolling. But i'd rather avoid stepping into that realm.

This was the first time i stayed and watched much of the Oscars; normally i don't care much for them, but i wanted to see how the politics would play out with having three black thespians vying for awards (consequently, Will Smith was up against Denzel), at the same time. And to my surprise (*gasp*), Sidney Poiter recieved a lifetime achievement award (or something like that). three black individuals being rewarded in teh same night.

First off... Director Kevin Smith on Britney Spears -- of course it's blunt, crude and intteligent at the same time

Next my cousin is graduating from the NYPD Police Academy next week. i really wonder why he did it. he says it will help hi mgte into forensics and such. i am thinkign he just feels he can't get into any grad program yet. i just hope he doesn't get stuck.

Last Night at Walter Mosley's Loft

Last night i found myself in the midst of some talented literary folk including author Walter Mosley, who was hosting a book party for a new Domincan writer's debut novel. The writer goes by the name of Nelly Rosario, and her novel is entitled Song of the Water Saints


I did not what to expect from a book party. Would there be anal-type folsk there? Would it feel like an academic type of gathering. I believe i have only attended maybe one or two before, and i don't recall them at all. My experience has been more in the record release party. And as i expected it was more understated as i entered Mosley's 4th floor loft deep in the West side of Manhattan. There were about 4 or five people as i enetered -- Nelly, Mosley, my friend's friend and his father, and the caterers.

As the night went along i got a chance to chat with Walter who was quite friendly, and found out he is working on a new Easy Rawlins novel which is supposed ot take place three months after A Little Yellow Dog. Many people i know showed up including Kenji and the head of the FDCAC where i volunteer.

At one point in the evening, Kenji began schooling me and another writer on the trials and tribulations of putting out a first novel and what may happen afterwards. Needless to say, now i am not so anxious about getting something out by 30, because a lot these young authors who put out a critcally-accliamed debut novel, like Nelly, still have a lot of work cut out for them in the long run -- especially as minority writers.

Sunday Breakdown




My crappy mood from Saturday night must have continued into Sunday — cause i was in the lowest of moods by Sunday evening.

The tale of getting lost twice.

After spending early Sunday afternoon in the library getting prices for Baptiste's photography equipment, i took it upon myself to head to this event: www.DwaFanm.org/voicesofwomen.html

DWA FANM PRESENTS
VOICES OF WOMEN
WITH BEVERLY BELL AND EDWIDGE DANTICAT

An Auction and Book Sale to benefit Haitian Women Survivors of
Violence in Haiti & the U.S.

Featuring Beverly Bell and her newest book, Walking on Fire: Haitian Womens Stories of Survival and Resistance
Forward by Edwidge Danticat who will be present to read the story of Tibebe and to talk about her soon to be released books

Featuring Michele Marcelin, artist and actress who will do an interpretive reading

Also, readings by some of the 38 extraordinary survivors whose stories are featured in the book, including:

Myriam Merlet (ENFOFANM- Haiti)

Marie Josee St. Firmin (FANM VANYAN)

Sunday, March 10, 2002 " 3-6pm
South Oxford Space
138 South Oxford Street (bet. Hanson Place & Atlantic Av.)
For more information or to receive an invitation by mail, please
contact Dwa Fanm 718-230-4027

Back to the story...

Returning home, my mood made me ignore my mother's questions, which in turned annoyed her and my pops. Within 20 minutes i was changed -- wearing my new brown disturbed shirt from and new demin jeans -- and out the door.

*grumble*

Here begins the part of the story in which i miss the first two hours of the event.

The event was taking place in downtown Brooklyn and i live in Queens. This has become easier for me to do after a couple of times, so i should have not gotten lost; but alas i did -- twice.

However, before i get to that part, i decided to get on the Belt Parkway one of the many highways that head to the other borough. Unfortunately, do to road work, one mile of the highway was close, forcing drivers to go local for what seemed an eternity.
When i finally got on the highway, all is good until i reach my "destination," which is the wrong Oxford Street. Turns out i am on the other side of Brooklyn, very close to Coney Island and right by here.

So i spent the second hour driving local to get to the "black" side of Brooklyn. Cursing under my breath, honking anyone in front of me who drove below 40 -- i was not happy. When i got there, one of the women featured in the book was speaking, and the place was crowded. i did catch up with girl Colette, and saw a former situation who had told me about the event. Danticat spoke towards the end and read an excerpt from the book. It wasn't so bad, but i wished i had caught what i had misssed, including a performance piece. The young Haitian model Tyrone Edmond was at the event and gave his calendar to Danticat, who seemd to being intrigued by it. Looking at him, I am realizing the new generation of models do not to be tall nor big. Tyrone is quite small.

After some attempted networking in my pissy mood, i headed out and asked Danticat if we could do lunch soon, and got Beverly Bell's contact info.

well almost an hour later i ended up going in circles trying to get to a another highway -- Jackie Robinson. Again a simple route which i have done so many times, but i guess my head wasn't "there." After getting into Queens close to 9pm, i decided to go to IHOP to relaxed myself and see if i could finally chew comfortably on some food.

I suppose I'll say something...there.

as my life turns

i took a personailty Disorder test today
Check the results

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

now the meds have worn off.

i feel pain and i am still bleeding somewhat. i just want to find something to knock me out, but what?
this is quite horrible, but hopefully i won't swell up tommorrow.

i have two gauze pads sitting in my mouth

Why?
i had my two bottom wisdom teeth taken out

Was it painful?
no, but it's not comforting to hear your teeth being cracked and drilled through

How long did it take?
like 20 minutes i think

My mouth is still numb and i don't know how i will feel when it's not.

Well gotta change my gauze now

DVDs In Current rotation

Novel challenge

Got until Monday to have two chapters of my novel done and emailed to my workshop peers and mentor or i lose fifty dollars. Oh what joy.

A Thing About Love

love is cliches and not
it's uncertain as much as life is
not only is it a source of pain and happiness
it inspires,
fades away,
and sometimes comes back

you sigh when it can't/won't be returned
you get angry cause it leaves you vulnerable

at its peak, it's source is the center of your universe
your stomach is in knots for days on end
you want to cry
you want to laugh
sometimes, you want to forget why/who you loved

but then you realize,
there are no retractions
no reversals of time

you eitheir fight for it
or move on

and in the end
it's about struggle
a journey with a blurry path
worth taking
again and again

© Richard Louissaint, March 1, 2002