it's been three days of giving out flyers for this yoga center on 23rd and 6th avenue (come check me btw 4:30 & 6:30). it's been an interesting odd job cause I'm standing out there trying to get people to take these pieces of paper. Some are rude; some are nice; some seem in a rush to go somewhere, determined even. And with the warmer weather lots of eye candy. someone who wasn't me would take advantage if being in this proximity of all these women.

i kind of wish i hadn't mention the research gig i am doing for this grad student to someone, cause for some reason they gather it's cheating and kept harping on that viewpoint. and in speaking to former grad students it's not cheating because i am providing the research but the student has to figure out what to do with what i give them and create a paper out of it. it's perfectly normal. but hopefully this won't keep being brought up, it's annoying. if it is. *snip snip* And i'd still do the research regardless, cause i need the money. not everything is black & white, but in this case i have no reason to have any moral dilemmas.

is being honest in ur web journal such a good idea. is it even realistic to be honest in real life? i grapple with this a lot and hope to know the answer as i "grow up."

Hallelujah, thank God for Blockbuster Videos in predominately Black neighborhoods. As stereotypes go indie films and anti-blockbuster flicks tend to collect dust in some of these areas. As opposed a neighborhood like the Upper Westside Which allowed me to be to purchase, most recently, such used DVDs as Spirited Away, Pieces of April, and this Vietnamese-directed film Green Dragon -- all for $35 or 2 for $20 and the third for $9.99.

Not only that but I have stacked up on many other films, including my favs About A Boy, The Pianist, and LOTR: The Two Towers. So "my peoples'" lost is my gain. *Sadly snickers*

On another note, preparing to go back to school seems like a daunting task. After you get accepted you have to figure out how u r going to pay for your schooling. U Track down scholarships ur eligible for (less if u have a GPA below 3.0); apply for financial aid which isn't so kind to grad students; U repeatedly call the CUNYCAP office in hopes to get into their program that pays most of ur tuition as long as you went undergrad in the CUNY system, but alas they never answer and never return your calls; U fathom the idea of finally living on ur own with ur preparations to go to school and even visit the college's housing department. Meanwhile u really don't have a steady stream of income; U hope by planning and running around, these scenarios will come to actualization.

I despise this song below, and ones similar to it, because a song written this way has this really odd effect on you despite it's sappiness. Or maybe it's cause John Mayer can get away with it. When ever a listen to this song i hear its account of meeting w new love in the city obviously. i consider it a new love cause it's al positives and post honeymoon drama. Which would scream a well-traveled relationship. or maybe i am too cynical to believe that most relationships could have such amazing affects on an individual even in the long term.

But honestly this has to be a burgeoning dating relationship, which i can barely recall having nowadays. maybe that's why this song irks and intrigues me at the same time. It sort of mocks you for not having situations like this and at the same time makes you happy for the people in the story. "I smile just because." BLah

"i never liked this apple much
It always seemed to beg to touch
i can't remember how i found
my way before she came around

CHORUS:
i'll tell everyone
i smile just because
i got a city love
found it in Lydia
and i can't remember life before her name

She keeps her toothbrush at my place
as if i had the extra place
she steals my clothes to wear to work
i know her hairs are on my shirt

i'll tell everyone
i smile just because
i got a city love
found it in Lydia
and i can't remember life before the day
she called up and came to me
covered in red
dinner time shadowing
and eyes are closed
and i knew i was still
when i said i love you

Friday evening we were drinkin'
2 am i swear i might propose
But we close a tab
split a cab
call each other up when we get home
falling asleep to the sound of sirens

i got a city love
i found it in Lydia
from the ___ battery to the gallery
it's the kind of thing
you only see in semi-glossy ___ magazine
and i can't remember life before her name"

This weekend was rather uneventful aside from finding a site to download movies, TV episodes and applications with the ever popular bit torrent. Oh yes my friend's wife birthday thingy at Moe's.

Moe's really does suck for the lack of space and being packed liek sardines on Saturday nights. Which led me and my peoples to another party at some spot that screamed "Time to leave" once you got there. IS Brooklyn getting tired for me to hang out in? And will i realy move their by the end of this year?

As Sia would say "Healing is difficult."

IN OTHER NEWS BADLY DRAWN BOY HAS A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT PLUS A VIDEO COLLECTION. WHICH SCREW ME OVER SINCE the DVD WON'T BE REGION 1.

AND A NEW ESTHERO SINGLE!

Today i decided, after much procrastinating in the morning, to go and do some special picture taking. Inspired by one of Michel Gondry's old videos where i took shots of different words from street signs, store fronts, etc. to go with the lyrics of the song. So i began taking shots of words wherever i could find them in the East Village. i have no idea what i will do with them.

And at Other Music i found a used copy of my favorite Stereolab album, Sound Dust, for like 8 beans. For some reason the album is out of print in America and sells for import prices. Oh joy.

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and in other news i got stopped for the first time by the cops at 2:35 this morning, making an illegal U-Turn. who knew. but my cousin the officer was on patrol at the time and i called him to clear things up for me. they claimed i made two violations so that would equal points off my license-- a first.
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AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DOW WITH "SPRING FEVER"
But i dig the women i have met that took the time out to do stuff like send me emails about stuff i was interested in. To me that shows some caring and that you are paying attention. i salute you. Too bad yall are few and far in-between.

---
3 marriages, three couples. my cousin, my boy Neil and my boy Mangaroo. All this year. All of this in one swoop. But i saw it coming. these relationships are so old, so it was bound to happen. Cousin wants me in his wedding-- grrr. but hey what can i say no? he was like my brother figure growing up. But alas i haven't any lasting relationships like they have.

So the Cable broadband tech came monday to check up on the off and on connection i have been having for almost two weeks.

Needless to say it's been it was working fine up until this but now it seems ot be back up...
@ the Jaylib/MF Doom i bumped into Asian Doughboy


who i hadn't seen in a coupel of months. funny how we live like a 10 minute walk from each other but sparingly see each other. But anyhow that travesty of a show is why i really have stopped going to underground. Not many people of color and even less women.

But last night's Dujeous record release party was a different story. Good show. But to be fair they are a hip hop ban. the only other one i knew of besides The Roots. They have been performing and been on the grind for years and their bass player is constantly sending me emails. and i finally made it. And not only that they bring the ladies. One of which recognized me from Friendster -- a first for me. Always good to be recognized by someone cute.

This was the first weekend in a long time that i didn't be the man about town. maybe it was the previous weekend's freakish affect on my insecurities.

But alas Thursday was the first thursday i found myself at home being unproductive online.
Friday i skipped out on a few free events happening since my DC mate decided not than out with me Friday. But we hung saturday afternoon. tis was fun despite the overcast day. And later on that today after friends flaked on seeing the slightly disappointing Hellboy adaptation, i went with my teenage cousin and his friend. So i killed two birds with one stone -- hanging with him and checking out the flick.

Sunday dropped off Grams at church and skipped out again to see another matinee. this time Ernest Dickerson's proably most competen film in a long time-- Never Die Alone.


Question of the day: is a friendship a friendship even if the person doesn't really check for u months in and out but invites you to things such as birthday parties and their impending marriage? i ask cause i become estranged from friends i used to be tight while the ones i wasn't before have become that. it's rather perplexing how these changes happen. and i don't believe i ma at fault. but you can't chase down folks to hang out with you.

Some Quotes form Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet

i found my other copy of the book and her it goes. i gave away one copy to a friend

" When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. "

"But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;"

"When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. "

"And he who defines his conduct by ethics imprisons his song-bird in a cage.

The freest song comes not through bars and wires.

And he to whom worshipping is a window, to open but also to shut, has not yet visited the house of his soul whose windows are from dawn to dawn.

Your daily life is your temple and your religion.

Whenever you enter into it take with you your all. "

"You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.

For what is prayer but the expansion of yourself into the living ether?

And if it is for your comfort to pour your darkness into space, it is also for your delight to pour forth the dawning of your heart. "

"People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.

But you are life and you are the veil.

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.

But you are eternity and your are the mirror. "