Grandma

You refuse to admit your sight is going
will argue for an hour when help is offered when it truly would be of benefit
You ramble on about the tings you've done as a church missionary with everyone who comes and visits.
Your grace before meals can last for 10+ minutes if allowed unchecked
Your children have come out to be three very different people with three different sets of their own children.
Your insistent at always making sure the doors to outside are always locked are admirable despite their hints at paranoia. since no major crime has ever happend to u while living in NY.
You still rant about the affects of "Black american" teenagers on your grandchildren even though we are well past 20.
Your stubborn ass woman who knows how to push my mother's button and has a son-in-law who can do the same to you.
Just because your getting older doesn't mean you need to hide the fact. Your human your life is not over. live it to the fullest and learn to listen instead of imposing your voice in every conversation.

eff it, it's depressing

it's great to hear folks under 25-- black folks-- doing their thing and having ish together. traveled abroad and what not. but it depreses me at 28 to have not done any of those things. it sucks bullocks. and i'm still tryign to figure out how to travel without taking out another loan. nor do i wannna hear another line about there are plenty of grants out there. i aint an academic nor do i know what to look for. aside from my trips to the foundation center and my colleges departments, i don't know what to do besides apply for these direct loans.


:(

My photos are up on Che Grand.com

Che Grand by Richard Louissaint

check em out

my fellow bloggers/ first flat/ amendment

So i got my first flat tire monday while picking up Kenji from his job after helping my little cousins with homewrok - which i do three times a week. but thankfully i had a spare tire and not a donut. boy i really examine what's in my trunk.

but the little jack i had was a pain to use and required so much endurance and strength to get it up. next gift for me wil be a jack powered by my foot or requires pumping instead of turning.

and too my fellow bloggers who read this tedious blog, thank you. i'm surprised by who reads it and feel bad cause i don't consistently read yalls blog.

amendment to my life: i exercise the right to realize that just cause i'm older and the women i know are older don't mean they don't have immature "chickenheadish" tendencies. i must leave certain women alone and not get worked up over them cause they aint worth pursuing. The women meant for me will be wil be around or i will typically just sabatoge any chances iahve with them. LOL. this amendment has nothing to do with anythign recent.

The Add about last night

i also spoke with Anthony Mackie real quick and was randomly introduced to Tatyana Ali who really wasn't standing out compared to the women that were there.

While i'm still awake

Von Pea outtake by Richard Louissaint

I'm home from finally attending Q-Tip's and Mark Ronson's weekly party at Table 50 -- guest list only. I ran into a bunch of folks I hadn't seen in a minute, which of course happens when I attend any downtown function.

Got to chill with Von Pea (see above photo) and Donwill of Tanya Morgan. They will be performing with a host of upcoming talent this Saturday at Fresh Produce along with another artist I have shot for -- Che Grand.

But boy this party had a large amount of lovely women plus good music. I danced a little.

Actually prior to this and after my two classes, two of my classmates showed me this mythic pizza shop near the school called DiFara's


Fresh produce info: IT'S FREE
Saturday November 20th, 2004
Fresh Produce @ M1-5
52 Walker Street (Between Church and Broadway)
Esco
Che Grand
Spec Boogie
Tanya Morgan
Carmen
Malayzia
Noñameko

Music by DJs Tara, Buddy, Brainchild, Quidom + Filthy

Hosted by Isis Arias and Cyren Young

i feeel this urge

The Quad at my campus

to make someone feel good.

i don't know in what way or whom

cause i sure failed recently with someone deserving of that sort of treatment

and things are had a bittersweet conclusion last night.

cause i sure am not sure what i think of the person right now. it's like some vague cloud hovered over me late in the summer and it's like my mouth can say what i feel now. my attraction never left but something has been blocking me and i wish i could truly pinpoint and not just these speculations.
i hope i don't regret not trying harder

maybe i will be a better friend :/

I try

Don't I try. if you only knew how much I want everything I wrote here to be profound and word so eloquently.
My fiction writing doesn't feel that way. Kenji called a story of mine technical; which doesn't sound like a compliment to me. I want my stories to have heart and be quirky.

And I have noticed the second year MFAs seem to have better-structured stories than most of us first-year students. hopefully that's a sign that my writing will be better by 2006.

I have failed to comfortably bond with folks in my program -- no one I would trust to share my writing with outside of workshop.

Update: I still feel the odd one out in the program in addition to not fawning over what everyone else seems to think are great book and writers.

it's early now but i am go back to bed. us jobless folks

Well my bills are very overdue and for now i won't be using my cell phone till i have money in the bank. anyone clalign will get a not in service message.

i hung out with one of my favorite photo subjects and also cool friend Jess who has a new place all to herself -- no roomates finally.