Living personal life in fear because of the uncontrollable

Or as I like to call it: "If I can't control it then I ain't gonna mess with" syndrome

Most of us are guilty of it, especially when it comes to matters of the heart-- I have and still have been (boy that was grammatically incorrect)

The thoughts that go in your head: "I'm getting too attached to her/him, I don't know about this." or "What if I leave myself open and then get hurt badly?" or "this is too good to be true."

As much as I have advised people to ignore the fear and go for it, I have not been able to follow my own advice. The hardest part for me has been embracing how I feel. Up until Monday I was on my usual moping , sulking pattern. I even spoke candidly with someone I used to deal with who appreciated my honesty not just in what I was revealing recently in my blog, but also my tone. Which led to me divulging why I acted the way I did when I was with her.

But the keywords coming from everyone I have confided in seems to be embrace how I'm feeling right now and don't feel foolish for keeping hopes up or think that I'm being unrealistic. That I need to process everything in the way that works for me whether I'm crying or beating up someone (that's a joke). Just concentrate on what I need to concentrate on. Hurt takes time heal. And I will admit I tend to expect things not turn out the way I want them to. But I have been proven wrong before so I hope I get proven wrong this time around. I think I'm gonna be whining on here for a while.

My first class of the semester is in less then an hour and it feels comfy to be back working in the public relations office, as well as the consistent paycheck that comes with it. So here I sit in my "office" killing time and trying to sneak some Xeroxes of a short I have to hand in on Thursday.