Life as it is

Esthero is out. Got pick up her new album Wikked Lil' Grrrls. Her label Reprise has done zero promotion for the album. And Andre 3000 was taken off the final version. Please support
www.esthero.net/ or www.nearlycivilized.com/
and my myspace group: http://groups.myspace.com/esthero

I didn't get a teaching position for the fall at my school. Committee felt unsure about giving me a placement. Which doesn't surprise I was ambivalent about the whole process last semester. Teaching is not on my top list of things to accomplish in life but it is something I have wanted to try if not for the experience but at least to something to fall back. I was told I could appeal, but I don't even know if I really want to. They say it's perfect for writers to teach while they write but it's not the only means.

I finally got paid by United Way so I'm not broke for the time being and maybe I can fully be involved in this weekend's film shoot. Three nights in a row in the BX. Who thought I 3 minute fight sequence could require so much work. Grant it special effects and props are involved.

They want me to do one of the eulogies for my cousin and i don't want to do it. I remember things about him growing up then family things got int the way and he moved to Long island. I remember good thinsg about him but i know very little about him because of how my uncle handled him and his family situations. but most of all i hate speaking in front of people. but to understand that part of my family has a weird hsitory with the rest of us and messy one at that.

Another picture of Cousin Junior (RIP)

Workign with my father on the deck in the backyard last summer

Photography, death and those life moments

I have people who ask me why I always carry a camera around
and I tell them you never know.

But the one thing I have been conscious of is trying to get pictures of family and friends I don't get to see as much cause in my mundane mind shit happens

and it was last summer one of my cousins (above picture) on my mother's side who was 30 at the time
was coming through with his pops every week. He was unfocused and aimless but he was a good cat. He even ended up helping my pops with a home renovation project. But ended up taking a good chunk of black and whites one day

And this morning as I get ready to go to my friend's city hall wedding
I get told he drowned (at the age of 31) in a neighbor's pool yesterday. the details seem off to me but it's too early ot know. I ended bringing my camera to the town hall but left my card for the rebel at home. Later on, I did remember my flash card and brought my camera to my cousin's high school graduation

I know that those shots will be a very important document of him being around our family. i hope. as i know my cousin's Tanya's graduation photos wil be as well as my friend's weeding pics whihc i took on my cell phone.'

RIP Junior

My Grams

I wrote this for one of my classes this past semester
Grams, Memere, My Grandmother by Richard Louissaint

My grandmother, the one on my mother’s side; the one who helped bring me up as a child; the one who at this very moment could be legally blind. When I left her this morning she was eating her breakfast in silence or was waiting by the door for her aide that comes 6 days a week for four hours. Either way, I shouted bye to her and she asked who it was (because my father and I have similar voices) and as always, I said, “it’s me Richard”, in kreyol.

I know that she is somewhere in her 80’s and that at anytime during the decline of her eyesight she could have taken the suggestion of her doctors and gotten surgery to fix it. But she said the medicine she was/is taking would cure her with the help of God. That cure has never happened and now we --me, mom, dad, aunt-- have been left with a very prideful woman who we have fought to accept our help and who has found it hard to come to grips with her mortality.

I have found her sitting on the living floor on one or two occasions, strategically right by the front door. I laugh it off and pick her up when I have found her there. But this action tests my mother, as does anything my Memere does that is very suspect. I guess it’s hard to ignore the woman who brought you into this world and raised you.

I thank graduate school for keeping me out the house, not because it depresses me but Memere loves to talk; always has. Center of attention is one of her claims to fame. She can light up a room or bring it down with the most random negative news item she has heard or been told about.

However, this isn’t about exposing all of my Memere’s faults. Maybe this is a rant or I am thinking her mortality and how she will die someday.

My mother, one day last year, told me, out of the blue, “You know you will be giving her eulogy; you grew up with her.” I responded in silence and later pondered what would I say that large audience that her funeral would bring. If there is one thing I am sure of she was a popular woman especially in her church ministries.

At first I figured I would let them know she wasn’t perfect, then I would jokingly mention how she would ramble on about something in the news in the middle of a laughter-filled conversation, and i woulld hope the audience would laugh. Then I would tell them how I wish she enjoyed her older age like so many I have met who look back in the past as just the past and live in the now. But I blanked out after that and haven’t thought of it much since until I began this thing you are reading right now.

Right now I wonder how long my parents and my aunt can keep it up – taking care of Grams with all her stubbornness and quirks; and will she see the inside of a home? I would hate to see that day especially In a West Indan family where the elderly are rarely sent away. I sense despite her declining natural health, her hearty complaints and her mood swings, Memere will be here for years to come.