under the influenc of alize, rum and vodka

after spending the day with Stev semi location hunting for the next music video he is supposed to shoot in August, i came back home. how weird it feels to not drive now. i had pizza with my parents and got kidnapped by Stan tio two bbqs populated by my haitian folks

i have no idea what i ma writrng i knwo isent an email out the the friend who did my new business cards. i'ma upload the grphic soon enough. i like em a lot. i have descisons i need ot make about my life sooner or later thta i've been avoiding

anyhow

My car is over with and it's so strange to bus and train it everywhere now. And late nights are back to being long and annoying such as last night after the Esthero show which was grand. R train doesn't run late nights now so u have opt transfer to an F in the city. Thankfully the F runs express even at 2 am in the morning.

but I was running to midtown then to uptown for two job related interviews. Then back to queens to change then back to the city for the concert. And it didn't help that London had more bombings in the public transportation system.

Summer has become a routine of being slightly broke and trying to endure the heat.

RIP: 1990-2005

She was good to me most days. got me form point a to b
all 6 boroughs
plus DC and Jersey
ima miss her but she was getting me for what little i got these past few months
leaving barely breaking even.
This past friday and saturday was the last straw.
and she starting smoking like crazy saturday morniing on my return trip to Queens ffrom BK


but alas no0 more!!!
to junkyard she will go soon
my black Toyota Camry
*sobs*

This weekend

from the Lostman film shoot last weekend

we shot the final scene of Lostman three nights in a row this past weekend. From sun down to almost sun rise we were deep p in the Bronx off Webster Ave shooting. The people in neighborhood were inquisitive and really friendly to us especially the kids. The DP Rik said he does these type of shoots all the time and I was amazed because the shoot nearly killed me literally -- falling asleep on the wheel going back to queens while dropping people off.

Now it's post production and time for editing and adding in the digital effects which probably won't take place till august or so.

my cousin's funeral came and went sort quietly. I didn't go to the reception afterwards because I was so tired from coming in at 6 am from the shoot.

no bbqs or parties happened for me this weekend.

I can't believe my film/photography partner (the one who directed and co-wrote listening) is married now. I wonder who is is gonna catch the bug as we al inch very close to 30. ;/

And I still don't get women and I can't see how I will end up in a relationship at this rate. Cause I don't know how I'm supposed to be nor do I get ambiguity. I hate assuming anything and I don't like feeling forced into anything.

but on the other hand what do I do with my need to close off part of myself which I'm sure makes it hard for anyone to really want to deal with me continuously on a level beyond friendship. And what if I really end up wanting to be with someone. I refuse to let anyone know that with the fear of being told yes I like you Rich but...
I don't want to put myself in that position ever again unless the person seems to show that they want something with me. That is if I do like em that much

dating is for the birds